And I thought I look like a loser

I went to my old school today. Did some work, hang out with new friends and in the process got my spirits lifted.

I am feeling not so confident about how I look the past two years. I have some problems with unsightly blemishes (Alright, alright, it's pimples!). Plus the fact that I'm not getting any younger and my continuous struggle with gaining weight (my apologies to those whose problems way contradict mine) still fruitless.

Went to school today expecting nothing but meeting pasaway people. I have some work to do and really have to go despite being up so late the previous night. I went to bed with prayers that hopefully I won't look so ngarag when I get up.

Prayers granted, but still feeling dreadful, I did what I usually do to perk things a bit--dress properly. I always wear pants in going there especially since I know I'm going to be there until night and I have to commute to and from home. I did the contrary today. I wore skirts so no invitation to a little rough and tumble at the gym, no sitting on the steps or wherever, will be entertained.

I got off along Legarda because traffic was bad, well, it's the Philippines and it's the University Belt. So okay, while walking (it's a pretty long stretch) I got those familiar stares (I look like an alien, remember?) from boys and girls alike, tambays, construction workers, drivers, security guards, you know, those people in the neighborhood. I should have gotten used to this since I started wearing dresses and skirts but insecurity is so innate, it's just like blinking my eyes. I always wonder what they're thinking. Have I got dark knees, shapeless legs, bakukangs, or whatever? I know they're not perfect but I don't think they're so bad.

To those familiar to the area, I know I should have turned to Gastambide but I chose to walk further and be in Recto. Call me insane but I miss the smell of Recto. Honestly. There's something with the stink that calm my nerves and feel right at home.

I got stopped by the guards at the school's Recto gate but luckily the person I'm supposed to be working with just passed by so he rescued me from them. He's with the varsity basketball team so naturally he's kinda popular in campus. I hate it when groups of girls will just turn around and give you the look that says clearly "Who the hell is she?" Really, they don't care if you see them looking and very obviously checking you out. So much for rudeness.

Did I mention pasaway? They're the poster boys for that term. The basketball team is so like that, you gotta have enough patience and courage to enter the Warriors' den. They're a bunch of kids, period.

I didn't have time to fix my hair before going there so I tied it back during the bus ride to tame it. I'm supposed to go visit the wash room first before going to the Warriors' quarters but since I got picked up literally at the gates, I can't possibly tell him, "Hey, daan muna ako sa wash room, will comb my hair first."

We did the interview just outside their quarters because it's too noisy inside but players and their friends kept passing by so it was impossible to concentrate, I had to keep saying hello to everybody who greets me with "Hi, ate Che!"

Ate, yes, I'm ate to them.

After an hour and a half of kulitan, headache and countless interruptions, was done working and ready to go. One of the players who is a very good friend came out of the room shouting, "Ate Che, ano ba, 'kala ko ba magte-text ka?!" Duh, somehow, from all the shouting and everything and dozens of times my name got called, he's just inside with his PS2 waiting for me to arrive. He said nobody told him I was there already.

He gave me the usual high five (I can reach it this time as I was sitting on a table) and said, "Ang ganda mo ngayon, ate. Ang sexy mo." Ha! Someone actually did appreciate the effort! But since they're all pasaways, he kept asking for the reason or reasons why I look presentable enough that time.

I was feeling less insecure already and starting to be comfortable with the place and the people around me when this janitor directed his cleaning just a few feet away from me. He was mopping the floor, spraying some... I don't know, collected the trash, and just when I thought he was done and will be leaving the area, he looked at me. He looked familiar but I can't quite place the face from somewhere.

He asked, "Kumusta ka na? Graduate ka na last year, ano?" Ooh, this is something new. Then I remembered him from my days in school. Was sad he's still there cleaning but at least he still got a job. I just said, "Hello po, kilala n'yo pa ako?" He answered, "Oo naman. Ikaw pa." Was tempted to ask why he said "Ako pa" but decided against it. I realized it doesn't matter. What's important is that he thought I just graduated last year! Ha, again!

So I don't look like I'm 28, hmm... Bola lang? I really don't care. I just know I felf great after he said it.

On the way out to Recto, still the same set of guards, they all looked at me. One asked if I was done with the interview. I said yes. He looked like he's going to ask another question but I turned my back on him and walked out of the premises. I was so hungry I could eat a hippogriff. Was already out of the gates and the guards were still looking (blame it on the alien look, I'm a walking freak show). I found out why later. They wanted to know if I'm "friends" with whom really. I walked in with a different person and walking out with another.

Duh?! I'm learning how to multiply and divide already when those guys first saw daylight! Naman!