To say that I love the show is an understatement. I love Pacey more than I loved any boyfriend who graced my boring existence. I guess that's why I'm still single. I haven't met my Pacey. Not that I'm complaining.
Here are some lines, mostly Pacey's, that made me smile, cry, laugh, swoon, giggle, and a host of other emotions. You gotta admit the hilarity of some lines make you feel all of those. Wait, it's a drama series? Hah! Sometimes the story sucks and the lines illogical but hey, I love the show, period.
Episode 1 The Kids Are AlrightAudrey: Come on, he's not that bad, is he?
Pacey: Well, apart from shoving his somewhat dubious musical taste down my throat, he did take every opportunity to tell me how many times he's seen you naked.
Audrey: He's never seen me naked.
Pacey: Really? He knows about the tattoo.
Audrey: [bangs the car roof] Wake up, you little perv!
The summer is over, Pacey. The return to dull normalcy begins now. - Audrey
Jen: What?
Grams: What's happened to my granddaughter? If you've eaten her I want you to spit her out this instant.
Audrey: Joey Potter, as I live and breathe.
Joey: Audrey, my nemesis. Welcome back!
Audrey: Thank you!
Alright, well, it looks like you're shacking up with Grams, amigo. - Audrey
Jack: What do you know about selling stocks?
Pacey: Not a damn thing. But Audrey’s father seems to think I'd be good at it. He told me I'm a natural born hustler and I should take advantage of it while I can.
Jack: Well, you gotta admit, Pace, you do possess the appropriate degree of obnoxiousness for that particular vocation.
Pacey: Thanks, pal.
Well, don't censor yourself on my account. I mean, Pacey Witter is nothing if not a card-carrying friend of the gays. - Pacey
Jen: This is art history... [turns to see Grams sitting next to her] Ahh! What are you doing here?
Grams: Same thing you are, dear.
Jen: What, you're in my class?
Grams: Uh-hmm.
Jen: Oh, this is so uncool.
Jack: What are you doin'?
Jen: I'm trying to make sure that Grams isn't in this class, too.
Jack: Come on, give the old girl a break. Besides, I don't think that the History of Pop Culture is exactly her speed.
Jen: Who knows? The woman's crazy. Like a fox.
Pacey: Okay, tell her.
Audrey: Tell her what?
Pacey: Tell her what a good guy I am. What a great roommate I would make.
Audrey: I'm not telling her anything. She's hot.
Emma: Well, thank you.
Audrey: You're welcome. I don't want you living with a hot girl.
Pacey: Let's say for the sake of argument that I am not at all unhappy that this summer is ending. Which is not to say that I didn't have a good time because I did, absolutely. It's just that, a different Hollywood party with different Hollywood friends every night and Hollywood Audrey is a little...
Joey: Exhausting.
Pacey: In a word, yes.
Joey: Look, I'm... got a conflict here because... see, the part of me that happens to be your close friend and erstwhile paramour says, "hey, you know life's too short, you gotta do what makes you happy, right?" Then the other part of me, the part that happens to be Audrey’s close friend and college roommate says, "you know what, you break her heart, I break your face." Got it?
Pacey: I got it.
Joey: What about Oliver?
Audrey: [laughs] He flipped out. Hated L.A. Kept saying that he could literally see his soul leaving his body. He left this note on Dawson’s pillow that said, "I'll see you in hell, Leery." Dramatic to the end, that one.
Man: I'm telling you, this thing ate my dollar.
Emma: Well, it's a jukebox, not a vending machine. You were expecting it to spit out a candy bar, were you?
Man: Are you getting smart with me?
Emma: I'm afraid that's unavoidable.
(Joey joins them)
Man: What are you lookin' at?
Joey: Drunk guy with his fly open. What are you looking at?
Audrey: I don't like this new Pacey. Not one bit. What happened to the Pacey of yore?
Pacey: The Pacey of yore is exhausted. The Pacey of yore just drove 3,000 miles in 3 days. Aren't you tired?
Ooh! Alright. I gotta go home. Our lady of continuing education wants to hit the bookstores bright and early so I need to get some beauty rest. Comin', Jackers? - Jen
Episode 2 The Song Remains The SameOh and uh, you might wanna rethink that suit. Seems a little gay. - Rich
Jack: Yeah, but is it clean?
Pacey: It's immaculate.
Jack: Phew.
Audrey: Jack, I'm scandalized. Is that an obviously gay trait that you've just revealed to us?
Jack: Hey, I'm clean. Alright? Sue me. Try living with someone's grandmother for a few years.
Pacey: Whoa, hey, just hold on a second here. You're not even gonna let the woman speak her mind?
Emma: Well, the fact that she's with you raises serious doubts as to whether she has one.
Audrey: I didn't like this situation last night and now that I see you bantering back and forth with that girl, I like it even less!
Pacey: That girl? That girl hates me!
Audrey: I know. She hates you too much I don't trust it!
Pacey: What did you say?
Jack: Oh, my love for this apartment knows no ethical boundaries.
You have a girlfriend? I slept with you last night and you have a girlfriend? - Joey
Everyone here who thinks Dawson should have told me he had a girlfriend before he decided to sleep with me, raise your hand. - Joey
Dawson: Look, I'm willing to admit that the timing on this is far from perfect but I'm sick of waiting for this so-called perfect timing that's obviously never gonna happen for us.
Joey: Oh, yeah, right. You know, it’s... better to just get it over with and move on, you know? "Slept with Joey. Just... cross that off my list of things to do."
Audrey: They do this all the time, right? No big whoop. I mean, it's normal to fight. It's healthy.
Pacey: Ooh. I don't know if healthy is the word I would use to describe their relationship. I mean, I'm all for "will they, won't they" finally getting their shot, but for two people to be that dependent on each other for their life's happiness, it's just...
Audrey: Incredibly romantic?
Pacey: Or perhaps structurally unsound?
Jack: Yeah, I'll second that.
Jen: Whoa, wait a second, all of a sudden you're coming out as some sort of non-believer?
Jack: Hey, let's not forget who broke them up the first time around.
Audrey: Ooh! Jen?
Jen: Oh, don't look at me. I'm too far messed up in this thing to have an opinion. I am just the road kill on the Dawson and Joey highway.
Jack: You will not regret this.
Emma: [looks at Pacey] Yes, I will.
Jen: Okay, I suppose a toast is in order. Though why I should be toasting to you leaving me all alone at Grams' is beyond me.
Audrey: Yeah, and I don't really think I should celebrate something that could be the death knell of my relationship.
Joey: Maybe there's nothing here worth saving. Maybe last night was just...
Dawson: Just what?
Joey: Just two old friends making a huge mistake.
Episode 3 The Importance Of Not Being Too EarnestAudrey: Oh, my god! You're still there, like a vegetable.
Joey: Writing a good e-mail is hard.
Audrey: Yes, especially when it's a huge mistake.
Joey: Shut up.
I mean, you did just nude-up with the guy. Oh, I'm sorry, or did you guys do it through a hole in the sheet because that's very Dawson and Joey to me. - Audrey
No, no, no, that wasn't me. That was him. [points to Pacey] I'm totally non-confrontational. Alright, okay, alright, duly noted. Man, between the suit and nagging, it's like a good old-fashioned American family around here. - Jack
Joey: It was a mistake. I was tired. I clicked on the wrong address.
Audrey: See? I told you that wasn't a good idea.
Joey: That's all you have to say?
Audrey: I don't know. Sucks to be you?
Emma: Sure I haven't made a fantastic mistake then, living with those two?
Joey: No. I'm sure you won't be bored.
Emma: Now, that's a cold comfort.
Jack: Is Emma still here?
Joey: Uh, no, she left about an hour ago. I think she was heading home.
Audrey: How is it living with her? Does she run around in her underwear and ask you guys to zip things up for her?
Jack: That's funny. Actually, the three of us took a bath together this morning.
Jen: And I thought you only took baths with Grams.
Well, most of yesterday consisted of eviscerating my personal life and every other lesson is a rant composed of your dated theories. I'm sorry, I'm late, Professor Heston, but the first half of class is usually when you reveal how bitter you are, how moronic we are, and how literature is dead. Were you... thinking of moving on to something slightly more stimulating today? - Joey
Episode 4 Instant Karma!This is what I get for signing on to this hillbilly circus. I could have been directing a music video in Paris right now for one of those homosexual crooner bands, you know, Instep or Backdoor Boys, or whatever. But no, I have to choose my art. - Todd
Pacey: I gotta study.
Audrey: No, Pacey, you gotta be with your girlfriend tonight. She's beginning to forget what sex is like. She may be forced to shag a stranger to remember.
Whatever. It better be over with soon because mature, responsible Pacey... he's kind of a big, fat drag. - Audrey
Dawson: Why do you keep calling me Donald?
Natasha: Well, I think we can both agree that Dawson's a stupid name. Plus, you look like a Donald. Or if you prefer, Ronald.
Natasha: So how's that old friend you dumped me for a couple of weeks ago? Didn't quite catch her name. Wait, it is a girl, isn't it?
Dawson: She's fine. I Think.
Natasha: Don't tell me she dumped you already? [Dawson didn't answer] That is... so sad.
Audrey: Oh! You guys, you guys, I just remembered! It's down on Waverly Road right next to that giant supermarket that has the free aisle!
Jack: Cool. Let's go. I'm cold!
Jen: Audrey, what's a free aisle?
Audrey: You know, the aisle that has a little plastic bins filled with the food that you can snack on while you shop.
Jen: No, those are bulk bins. You're supposed to put the food in little plastic baggies and then pay for it.
Audrey: Really?
Jen: Yeah!
Because... I don't wanna live off mac and cheese, and ramen noodles for the rest of my life. And that's how it will be for me if I don't bust my ass and play by their rules. I mmean, I wish that I could continue ignoring reality but I can't because we don't all live in Audrey land. - Pacey
You have the nerve to bring her here tonight, the girl you dumped me for after I gave you the best sex of your life? - Natasha
I don't think I've felt so confused in my whole life. I mean, here I am, I'm a married man, my wife is pregnant and uh... I'm showing up at a party just 'cause I'm hoping to run into, uh... a certain student. [Jack realizes then looks his way] I just shocked you, didn't I? You're shocked. - Professor Freeman
Pacey: Audrey, I don't know what it is that you want me to say. I mean, I'm really sorry but...
Audrey: Maybe... maybe you can just come inside and hold me.
Pacey: Yeah, I can do that.
Episode 5 The ImpostorsSorry, I... guess I find you a little intimidating now that you've tried to ram your tongue down my throat. - Eddie
It was implied. Social conventions dictate that when something embarrassing happens, we all tacitly agree to never speak of them again. It's what keeps us going as a society. That... and alcohol. - Joey
Leery, your inability to relax disturbs me. - Todd
Pacey: Then maybe you can tell me what's been botherin' you all week.
Audrey: Nothing is bothering me.
Pacey: Really? 'Cause I gotta say you've been actin' a little weird.
Audrey: Okay, Pacey, define weird.
Pacey: Fine. Weird is studious. Weird is quiet.
Audrey: What, so I act like Joey for a change and all of a sudden, I'm weird?
Let's not hug or anything. Your pig of a boyfriend's likely to enjoy that. - Emma
Episode 6 Living Dead GirlExcuse me, Andrew. Must be my trick ear. Did you just yell cut? Yelling cut is one of the few bright spots in an otherwise bleak existence. And I will not allow some hack stuntman to deny me the pleasure. You do not break character until I yell cut. Do you understand me? - Todd
That was fun. Sometimes I forget how much I like yelling at people. - Todd
Your puny little mind couldn't process the fact that you were shagging one of the hottest young starlets Hollywood has to offer, so you jacked it all in for another go at your prom date. - Todd
Professor Heston: What?
Joey: I thought she was five.
Professor Heston: Whatever gave you that idea?
Joey: The picture on your desk.
Professor Heston: Well, she was five when that picture was taken.
Joey: That's false advertising.
Oh, my god! I am like flypaper for the homosexual community. - Jen
When I make my intentions clear, I want them to be acknowledged and reciprocated. In that order. - Jen
Audrey: Oh, when did you become such a dull normal?
Pacey: About the same time you started failing tests.
Jack: Want to, uh, tell me about it sometime... over coffee?
David: Coffee?
Jack: Hot caffeinated beverage. It's all the rage these days. Seems to be an excuse for people to get together and find out if they like one another.
Episode 7 Ego Tripping At The Gates Of HellJoey: What? When did you dump Pacey?
Audrey: Hello? Mid-mid-life crisis, thanks for watching. Jeez, Joey, would it kill you to keep up?
God, who did her parents buy off to get her into Worthington? - Eddie
Rich: That's a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. I think Denise means drama in its Greek origin. And might I say, Denise, that you have breasts that are begging to be touched.
Denise: Oh, that's a coincidence, since you apparently have testicles that are begging to be castrated.
Rich: Okay, then. I'll take my goods elsewhere.
Denise: Please do.
Joey: I'm not her keeper.
Eddie: No, it's worse, actually, you're her friend.
God, will you stop protecting me? I'm so sick of living in this little antiseptic universe you've all created. Look, all we do is we sit around and we drink soda, and we talk about how glad we are that we're all friends, which is ridiculous, Joey, because what kind of friend wouldn't know that I broke up with my boyfriend? - Jen
Well, let me tell you, Rich, the only favor I want you to do for me, is take me off your charity list. 'Cause you're pathetic, man. - Pacey
Episode 8 SpiderwebsAudrey: So, what, are they, like, dating now?
Jen: Look at you, you want the gossip so bad, it's killing you.
Audrey: I don't want the gossip. I just... I don't know, I wanna hear that she has a pimple or something. I want there to be one tiny little chink in her armor of perfection. I mean, has that girl ever made a mistake? Like ever?
Jen: Yeah, actually, same one that you did. She dumped Pacey.
Audrey: Well, that's funny. You know, the way I always heard it, he dumped her.
Jen: Oh, whatever. Who knows? Who cares? Honestly, the important thing is, is that they're still friends... like us.
Audrey: Do you mean that?
Jen: Yes, I do.
CJ: You know, we didn't do anything wrong.
Audrey: No, of course not. We were great, you know? And we'll probably win some sort of award for moral fortitude and the proper use of birth control.
CJ: I don't see what the big deal is here. It's not like she's my girlfriend, okay?
Audrey: Yeah, well, neither am I!
CJ: Oh, so, what? You're just gonna pretend like nothing ever happened?
Audrey: Yes. And unless you want me to kill you, you will, too.
CJ: Jen, I think you're... great. I think you're... a great person. You're obviously a very good friend to Audrey... to... everybody.
Jen: What... what does Audrey have... oh, my god. It was Audrey. You slept with Audrey.
CJ: It's not what you think, alright? She... [Jen walks away]
Jen: I just wanted to tell you that I know... about what happened with you and CJ.
Audrey: Jen, I didn't know that you liked him so much. Like, I thought that you did but I...
Jen: I don't wanna talk about this. I just wanted to let you know that I know.
CJ: I know things are complicated but you gotta understand that I haven't felt like this toward someone in a long time.
Audrey: No, it's been a long time since you had sex. And you're incredibly grateful because you're incredibly messed up, which should have been obvious from the second Jen met you. Because generally, people who are into helping other people are about 10,000 times more messed up than the people they're helping.
You have got to stop this. I am sure that under there, somewhere, there is a nice guy and you are obviously just trying to help me out. But... what happened between us, it's just... it's the way that the world works. Okay, pretty much all the time, girls run around and feel bad about themselves. They're either too weak or too stupid to go home alone. So, sometimes guys just win the lottery. That's it. It doesn't mean anything.
Is this a joke? Did he really just say that to me? - Pacey
Pacey: You don't think I had the right to punch that guy?
Emma: She's not your girlfriend anymore, mate! Not that it would make it okay even if she were!
Pacey: He took advantage of her! He saw that she was messed up and he preyed on her! Which in my books makes him one notch below pond scum.
You know, all that stuff that you've been saying is finally starting to sink in, all that stuff that you've been telling me about yourself. And I guess that if it's true then... it probably really sucks to be you right now. Because no matter how nominally together you think you are, if your fondest desire is to start hanging out with Audrey, then chances are, it's not gonna stay that way. And you know what? If I ever got it into my head to do what you do, you know, to help people, I would be a hell of a lot better at it than you are. - Jen
Jack: So, we're, uh, not doing too well at this, are we?
David: Well, the hanging out has been good. But the dating? I think it's safe to say that when two gay guys go on a date and each ends up going home with a hot blonde girl, something's definitely not working.
Todd: For the record, never let it be said that Todd Carr is a man who's not in love with being in love. I think both my movies and my life reflect my deep and abiding commitment to getting two good-looking young people together, and having a bit of fun now and again. However... as Leery here bloody well knows...
Dawson: You're also a man who's in love with sleep.
Todd: To the car. Now.
Joey: Um... he's a big fan of cheating on my mom. Um, he's definitely not the type to do some back-breaking job for 25 years when there's easy money to be made in the less law-abiding sectors of the economy.
Eddie: You make him sound like a criminal.
Joey: Well, that's what the district attorneys call him.
Episode 9 Everything Put Together Falls ApartPacey: Okay, fine. I'll pay you 25 bucks.
Emma: So now I'm a prostitute?
Look, maybe I'm more fond of spooning than the average guy, okay? I'm sorry I let you fall asleep but I didn't know I had to be on Potter-watch. - Eddie
Emma: Oh, I see. You're taking the piss, aren't you?
Rich: I'm sorry?
Emma: Taking the piss. Having a laugh at my expense 'cause you think my dress is stupid and you're a small-minded jerk who's no doubt... small in other areas as well.
That's how people grow up, Jo. They learn from their mistakes. - Eddie
The way you treated her was unnecessary, Rich. Emma's not the girl who's gonna play down to your outdated stereotype of the lesser sex. In fact, she's probably the most eloquent and passionate person I've met in a long, long time, and she has far too much grace to be lowering herself to your playing field. - Pacey
Episode 10 Merry MayhemJoey: My father's gonna be there.
Audrey: Can I ask him about prison?
Joey: If you want.
Doug: Now, if you wouldn't mind, could you tell me what you did with my little brother?
Pacey: I murdered that punk, stuffed his body into a dumpster behind the red lobster in Centerville.
You know what? You crack me up, Dawson. 'Cause you stand here and you say these incredibly noble, incredibly self-aggrandizing things about how you don't want to play the game, when the truth is you brought me home for Christmas. And you can't tell me that you don't get some kind of perverse thrill out of showing me off to your friends and family. It's really quite a shame, Dawson. 'Cause they'll be a day when you're old and gray and not even the Viagra's doing it for you anymore, and you could've looked back fondly on that time you banged the living daylights out of that actress in your childhood bedroom while she still had her looks. But I guess that's what you get for thinking with your brain when you really should be thinking with your... well, I think you know. - Natasha
Audrey: So, where the hell is Jack?
Jen: Are you drunk?
Audrey: Yes, but that does not explain where Jack is.
Todd: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the birth of your son. Now I'm at a disadvantage here, many of you I'm sure know who I am. I am a filmmaker, celebrated on many continents, but I don't know any of you, which is a travesty because people like you, regular people, are my target audience.
Mrs. Leery: Ahem-ehem.
Todd: [notices Jen] Except you, blondie. You look very familiar to me.
Jen: You hit on me on a... on a plane once from Boston to New York.
Todd: Did we shag?
Jen: No.
Todd: Are you sure? Because I'm flashing on some sort of mile-high club activity.
Jen: No, that wasn't me.
Todd: Well, good. 'Cause that'd be embarrassing.
Joey: Audrey. Back off.
Audrey: What is your problem, princess? I was sticking up for Joe dirt over there.
Do any of you have any idea how incredibly hypocritical this whole little gathering is? You know, I've been flying high on a pleasingly potent cocktail of vodka and painkillers... and thank you, by the way, Gale, for the painkillers. But I seem to be seeing things a little bit clearer than... than any of you. Dawson? Pacey... you guys hate each other, don't you? You're never gonna be able to... to mend this little rift that exists between the two of you so... so why do you even bother with the charade? And Dawson and Joey, here you are, both of you, you know, all grown up and so very pleased with yourselves. And each with your little significant other by your side respectively. And while, you know, I will give you that it does make for a pretty picture, the truth of the matter is you guys finally slept together and you've never really dealt with it. And neither of you are gonna be able to have a relationship with anyone else until you just finally deal with your crap once and for all. And... as for you, Pacey, I am really sorry that Audrey Hepburn next to you broke your heart all those years ago and it's prevented you from ever fully committing to an adult relationship. But you know what? Just grow up. Merry Christmas, scum suckers. Peace out! - Audrey
Yeah. I kinda think I zagged when I should have zigged. - Audrey
Pacey: What? What's so funny?
Doug: No, nothing. Nothing. It's just that, um, you know, you've given yourself quite the makeover, haven't you, Pace? You know, you've grown some facial hair, you got yourself a real job, nice car, fancy clothes, but you're still the same Pacey. You're still looking for a quick fix, aren't you? You want me to sweep this under the rug? Fine. I'll do that. I don't know what good that's gonna accomplish because Audrey is gonna live to drink and drive another day. And you know what? It may not end up so happy next time.
I am too young and too self-absorbed to be entangled in something so serious, and if I'm too young, you're way too young. - Natasha
Episode 11 Day Out Of DaysLook, I'll go get you a rootbeer float and then you have to go back to school. I don't care how miserable it is. It's just life. Life is miserable. - Joey
Pacey: Mind if I sit?
Emma: No, go ahead. But don't sit too close.
Pacey: I know that overwhelming physical attraction's gettin' to you, huh?
Emma: No, that's not it, exactly.
Pacey: Really?
Emma: No. I just don't want anyone to know that, uh, you're with me.
Pacey: Thanks.
Well, I can see where you're coming from. I can. I can see where you're coming from. I can see how you and other people like yourself, people of lesser intelligence, might be a bit confused by my movie. And I can see how you actually don't have any new ideas of your own on how to improve it because after all, you're not really in the business of having ideas, are you? Oh, that's right. You think you are. Well, you're not. You're in the business of criticizing other people's ideas. Which is why, after much careful consideration, I'll be throwing your most generous offer back in your face and leaving. Goodbye. And good luck with all your future endeavors. - Todd
Emma: Look, I've just been wondering what's it all for. I mean, if what you've told me over the last couple of days is true, then you've pretty much changed your entire life and I'm not entirely sure why.
Pacey: How the hell should I know? Why does anybody change their life? Why do people dye their hair, for that matter?
Emma: To piss off my mum. Or to try to be somebody else?
Pacey: For me, it would be the latter.
Emma: And why do you want to be somebody else?
Pacey: Because that's a part of growing up. Let me tell you, Pacey at 15 was a bit of a schmuck--bad haircut, bad Hawaiian shirts, broke all the time. Dumb enough to be chasing after things he knew he was never going to get, anyway.
Emma: Mostly women, I suppose.
Pacey: Mostly. Though there were a few girls. And you are allowed to call them girls when they're 16.
Yes, look, just take the money, will you? It'd be a whole lot easier for me than trying to be nice to you for the rest of the freakin' semester. - Professor Heston
Episode 12 All the Right MovesSo... anyway, here's the thing. Um, I messed up and I'm really sorry. You know, for my insane behavior the past couple of months. For any pain or worry I might have caused you guys. For... pushing you away when you were just trying to be my friends. So, the thing... is that after the whole Christmas debacle, you know, I went home, to Los Angeles and... this one night, this one horrible, horrible night, I found myself at this party in Malibu on this beach... full of strangers. And the sun was coming up and... I was just drunk off my ass, and... I remember looking around and thinking, "You know what? Maybe the problem isn't Joey... or Pacey or... Jen or CJ or Jack or Dawson or anyone else. Just maybe... maybe it's me." I don't expect you to forgive me right away because I do realize how bad I've messed up and... you know, I... if you guys wanna call me sometime, you know, just to say hi, that would be really cool. Because I really love you, guys, and I miss you, and I'm just really sorry. - Audrey
Dude, what is up with all the Courtney Love wannabes? It's like an Audrey convention out there. - Audrey
Harley: What's going on?
Joey: Oh, it's all very exciting. The phone is actually ringing.
Look, Joey, I... I admit that I haven't been the most present parent to this point but it's... sometimes... I don't know, one minute it was all Barney and Elmo, and now, well, I'm kinda startin' to realize that my little muffin might just be a juvenile delinquent. - Professor Hetson
Episode 13 Rock BottomGrams: He wanted me to convert
Jen: What... to convert what?
Grams: To Judaism.
Jen: Clifton Smalls is Jewish?
Grams: He most certainly is. Jennifer, I cannot do that. I can't turn my back on my faith.
Jen: Big baby Jesus would have a fit. [Grams gives her the look] I'm sorry. Blasphemy and whatnot. Come on! You deserve so much better than that. Clifton smalls is a freak.
Joey: You didn't show up for rehab.
Audrey: You know, you've really got an eye for the detail. How long have you been on the force, detective?
Audrey: You know, we're gonna have to do something about the sex thing, though.
Bob: What are you talking about? You told Joey I was an outstanding lay.
Audrey: Eh... it's a little brief. Don't you think?
Bob: Well, you know, you... you... you... you set one pace, you know. I was givin' it nice and slow and then you went all hellcat on me. I can't... I can't do that.
Audrey: Oh, so it's my fault!
Bob: Well, you're just... you're just too good. That's what it is.
Eddie: Yeah, hey! You think maybe you could get off there?
Audrey: Why?
Eddie: Because it's dangerous. Not to mention, completely disrespectful.
Audrey: What are you talking about? This car's a piece of crap.
Eddie: I'm sure it pales in comparison to whatever trendy little BMW you have waiting for you back in 90210-land, but this is all I have.
Audrey: Well, then I guess it sucks to be you, huh?
Eddie: (to Joey) It's wrong to hit girls, right?
Joey: Sadly, yes.
Eddie: That's what I thought. Just checking.
CJ: 'Cause Uncle Bill, he's, uh... he's not like most people.
Jen: So? Neither is my Grams. She's a freak. She's a thoroughly lovable freak but she's a freak, nonetheless.
Heather: You have no idea how close you were to getting fired.
Audrey: Wait, I have an idea. Come on, Bob, you got some work to do. You and I stopped in Vegas, we got married.
Bob: We did?
Audrey: No, but that's what we're gonna tell my parents. It'll freak 'em out, take their mind off the other thing.
Bob: Can we have sex again?
Audrey: No.
Bob: What kind of honeymoon is that?
Episode 14 Clean And SoberPacey: Joey, don't be jealous. Just because she can do things that no man has ever known before.
Joey: Okay, now you're disturbing me. It's a television that looks like it ate a small country. This is the most blatant display of capitalism I've ever seen.
Jack: Don't be threatened by something you don't understand, Joey.
Jack: This is awesome. I'm gonna pray to her every night.
Jen: It's a box, Jack. It's a big box. Since when have you been so interested in big boxes?
Jack: Since Pacey here started sharing the wealth.
Have you boys no concern for the general aesthetic quality of your surroundings? This thing is so big, it could block the sun. - Jen
Jen: Um, but I'm gonna go now and when I return, I will have CJ, and I will have ice. Ice, which is for drinks, not for boys' broken faces.
Pacey: Thanks for the clarification.
Emma: Oh, what in the queen's name is that?
Pacey: That is tonight's entertainment and every glorious night thereafter.
Jack: This is Bertha. Isn't she pretty?
Emma: No. She is not pretty. She is an over-sized hag who's taking up my practice space.
Dawson: Uh,
Wicked Dead is going straight to cable.
Audrey: Oh.
Dawson: Which means Todd won't be directing anything in the near future and I probably won't ever get another shot at this rate.
Audrey: Yeah... I'm in rehab, Dawson.
Joey: You know, CJ, I just... I really think it's great how you've turned Jen around. Because before, believe me, I mean, she was... she was a troubled young lady.
CJ: So she says.
Joey: She killed a girl once.
CJ: What?
Joey: Abby Morgan. Killed her with champagne.
Joey: You're still not over me. That must suck.
Pacey: Oh, it does. You have no idea the hardships I go through trying to maintain a friendship with a dream girl such as yourself. You have no idea.
Joey: Gets lonely.
Pacey: It does. I cry myself to sleep every night. But Jack and I cuddle. That eases the pain. He's very loving.
Joey: [laughs] Oh, Pace. You know what? I am a good catch. [walks away]
Jack: You know, actually, uh, uh... I would be the perfect husband. You know, uh, I can... help you check out guys. I can... make sure they're not gay.
Emma: [laughs] Yes, it is rather a hassle when you find that out late in the game, isn't it?
Jack: Plus, you know, I wouldn't be pawing you all the time like Gus.
Emma: Well, that sounds great. Let's get married, then.
Jack: Let's do it.
Jack: I'm just tryin' to help you out. I mean, we already live together, right?
Emma: Look, why do you think I asked Gus? 'Cause he's a nasty little creature who I don't care about. It's easier that way. I could never ask that big of a favor from a friend. I just... I couldn’t.
Jack: Well, you don't have to 'cause... I'm askin' you.
Emma: Jack, you are too good. [hugs Jack]
Jack: Well, not really. I... I... I didn't get you a ring or...
Emma: [slaps Jack in the chest] That's a good point! No, you are. You are too good for that. I couldn’t.
Jack: I would.
Emma: I know.
What you said earlier was right. I never did. How could I? Just look at you. - Pacey
Episode 15 CastawaysJoey: You have a hot date or something?
Pacey: No, but a beautiful woman did just offer to have sex with me, no strings attached.
Joey: You're so cute when you're delusional.
This is why we stopped? Pacey, we're stuck in here because you had some pressing need for birth control? - Joey
Pacey: Okay, let’s... just... take a little time out because you and I... we're not actually having this conversation.
Joey: Oh, why? 'Cause you don't wanna talk about sex with me?
Pacey: Ha! Do you wanna talk about sex with me?
Joey: Well, no, but... I usually don't wanna talk about sex with anybody.
Pacey: Thank you for proving my point. Now, if we could move on, I think our night will be much, much more pleasant.
Joey: After you tell me why you don't wanna talk about sex with me.
We do not, under any circumstance, talk about sex. I may be having it, you may be thinking about having it, but we don't discuss it. That way we avoid the awkwardness and in avoiding the awkwardness, we are able to maintain our friendship. You see, it's a preventative measure. I solved the problem before it even starts. - Pacey
Joey: What, so as far as you're concerned, I slept with you and then I took myself in and got re-virginized?
Pacey: In my mind? Yes.
Joey: Oh, so I never slept with Eddie or Dawson?
Pacey: Oh! I told you, I don't wanna hear about this.
Joey: Okay, so basically what you're saying is that the only way you and I can continue being friends is if we lie to each other about our sex lives. If we take that whole giant aspect of our lives and just... pretend like it doesn't exist?
Pacey: Worked for you and Dawson.
You know, you're only making it worse for yourself. Much worse. When I catch you, who knows what other body parts I'll require you to shave. - Joey
Joey: We discussed this already. There will be no bikes, no roller-blading and no you shooting hockey pucks at my head.
Pacey: Oh, now, come on. Those weren't real hockey pucks. Those were little plastic indoor ones.
Joey: I promise you this is not going to hurt.
Pacey: Now, how could you possibly make a promise like that about what it is we're about to do, seeing as you've never done it before?
Joey: Just because I've never done it before doesn't mean I'm not gonna be good at it. I was good at sex, wasn't I? [Pacey just looks at her] Sorry. Forget that. Sore subject.
Joey: Regular... or menthol?
Pacey: Are we smoking or are we shaving?
Joey: Pacey Witter, friend to women. I think it's better to go with sensitive skin.
There. Hello, chin. You're back. - Joey
Joey: You were wanting to kiss me all night?
Pacey: Yes.
Joey: Even when you were yelling at me.
Pacey: Especially when I was yelling at you.
Joey: Even when you were flirting with that other girl?
Pacey: Yeah. Then, too.
Joey: So... is this... some sort of... recent new development in your life?
Pacey: Wanting to kiss you? No. It's sort of always there. Like... white noise, or... the Secret Service, or the threat of nuclear war, for that matter. Just somethin' you get used to.
Pacey: It would be fair to say that I haven't been feeling all that friendly towards you lately.
Joey: You've been feeling more than friendly.
Pacey: Yes.
Joey: And the only way you could express that was to pick a fight with me.
Pacey: I suppose the answer to that would also be yes.
What I know is that... you and I were one of the few things, perhaps the only thing... that ever made total and complete sense in my life. That's what I know. - Pacey
Joey: Hey, Pace, did you...
Pacey: Yeah. Put all the stuff back? Yeah. Though some of it we're gonna have to pay for, like the clothes.
Joey: Pacey, did you...
Pacey: If the next words out of your mouth are "take out the trash," I will officially have a preview of what it'd be like to be married to you.
Joey: And?
Pacey: It ain't pretty.
Joey: I miss you, Pace.
Pacey: I miss you, too.
Kmart employee: So is this... like, your girlfriend?
Joey: No. We just sleep together from time to time. Do you have a problem with that?
'Cause, you know, if you found everything that you needed today, what would be the point of waking up tomorrow and doing it all over again? It just wouldn't seem worth it. - Pacey
Episode 16 That Was ThenJoey: Bad timing? You're on your way out.
Pacey: No. It’s... cosmic timing. I was on my way to see you.
Joey: Really?
Pacey: Yeah.
Joey: It would be nice if we could stop being so polite.
Pacey: Oh. You know, actually, I'm really glad that you said that because I've been meaning to emotionally abuse you for weeks. I just wanted to make sure you're up for it.
Joey: Pacey.
Pacey: Okay, I'll stop.
Joey: Do you regret telling me what you told me?
Pacey: I guess it really... depends on whether or not you regretted hearing it.
Pacey: Well... I guess maybe I'm just tryin' to play out all the worst case scenarios because I wanna be sure that you and I have grown enough to be together without always having to replay our history. 'Cause... I'd really like to look into our future.
Joey: You want a clean slate.
Pacey: Well... yes and no. I just don't want my prior offenses being held against me.
Please tell me he didn't just call me mister. - Dawson
Doug: You should try having breakfast with Dad and see him grab his chest and fall over. I mean, have you ever seen him off-guard one single day in your life?
Pacey: No. No. Not even close. Which is probably what's so scary about this whole thing. I mean, I spent so long pushing the old man's buttons in high school, I... I forgot there are real feelings left under there.
Mr. Witter: Listen, it can't be good for you being away from the office this much, can you?
Pacey: Well, I'm pretty sure they'll understand, given the circumstances.
Mr. Witter: What about your clients?
Pacey: You're my father.
Harley: Okay, fine. Whatever. I asked you over here to be with me, not salivate over my babysitter. I mean, do you have any idea how gross that is?
Patrick: I can't believe you still need a babysitter.
Pacey: How did we get here? Am I stepping on your turf or something? Are you the only member of the family who's allowed to be caring and compassionate? What did you expect me to do, Doug? Just chomp on my cigar on the other end of the phone and cut a check for the man's funeral? I'm a member of this family.
Doug: Yeah, conveniently. I mean, that's the way it is with you lately, isn't it? You know, you just swoop in with your... your fancy gifts. You just pull the wool over the whole Witter family's eyes. And then you're out. And everybody forgets.
Pacey: Forgets what? That I'm the family failure? Am I just never supposed to grow up? Am I not allowed to want things?
Doug: Oh, no. We all want things, Pacey. Believe me, we all want things. Nobody would deny you that.
Pacey: Then what? I'm just not supposed to get them. So ultimately, this is not about our father. Which is kind of pathetic, Doug, considering the condition that that man is in right now. This is about you wanting to see my face everyday and know that you're still the good son, that you're top dog. Well, that's just sad. Dougie, I miss the daily beatings as much as you do but I had to leave sometime.
Doug: Pacey, don't make this a celebration of your retreat from Capeside.
Pacey: I'm not. Man, listen to yourself speak. I came here to see you. To see him. And you know what? He knows it. And he appreciates it. Perhaps he's even happy to know that the son he ignored for the better part of his life is not gonna hold a grudge against him until the day he dies. In a strange way, this might even be a good thing.
Doug: Yeah, you know what, it is a good thing, Pacey. You know, it's all yours, little brother. You know what, it's all yours. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Dude, how many boyfriends did you have? - Harley
Dawson: I don't know when this happened. When I became the one who make sure the house is warm enough and you became the one who checks up on repairs.
Pacey: I do not know but sometimes I feel like I've been playing the part, wearing the suit for so long that... I may have forgotten how I got there in the first place.
Being here... being at the high school, all these ghosts around me, I just... I wanna go back. I wanna start over. Do things the right way. - Dawson
Episode 17 Sex And ViolenceWhat am I, sex on a stick? I'm not a boy. I don't have... the same kind of sex drive that you do, alright? - Jen
Joey: You can just fire somebody because you don't like the way they look? Isn't that discrimination?
Rich: (to Pacey) Is she Human Resources?
Heather: You've been staring at the twins for the past 20 minutes.
Dawson: I'm...
Heather: Not that I mind, of course. They are fantastic. And worth every penny.
Dawson: Well, are they... you guys wanna hear the rest of it? I mean, that's just a very small part of it.
Mr. Newman: Let me give you a little advice, pally. When somebody tells you, "you got yourself a deal," you zip it. You know, you nod, you smile, and you look grateful. You do not say another word. Another word can only do you harm. You know what I'm sayin'?
Rich: Jeez, man. At least I waited a week with mine.
Pacey: (to Joey) Pigs. We're all pigs.
Episode 18 Love BitesJoey: Eddie, you walked away.
Eddie: I came back.
Joey: I moved on.
Joey: Hello?
Pacey: Hi. Is this Potter's House of Pain?
Joey: This is Mistress Joey speaking.
Harley: Was he with other girls?
Joey: It was the boy's bathroom.
Harley: Which is where we had our first kiss. Hello?
Listen, Joey. I don't wanna hurt your feelings but my high school experiences shouldn't really be the same as yours, or I'm doing something terribly, terribly wrong. - Harley
Patrick: Yeah, I don't know why I should be taking advice from you. Like you're some kind of Yoda when it comes to the chicks.
Pacey: Have you seen my date?
Patrick: Tell me more, Sensei.
Grams: Jennifer, if you are looking for mystery or drama, you'd best take your search elsewhere.
Jen: I'm sorry, I'm not gonna let you keep this secret. You know, I've lived with you for five years and every time that I've tried to mope my way around the house, you've insisted that I come clean for the common good. So... now it's your turn.
Grams: Alright. Dr. Loomis is an oncologist. I am seeing her because there is a malignant tumor in my breast. I will be starting a round of radiation therapy next week because the growth has spread beyond the point where surgery would be effective.
Jen: (starts crying) Are you talkin' about breast cancer?
[Grams nods]
Jen: Oh, my god.
Pacey: So what, you're scared, right? You're scared. And so am I, believe me. And I'm scared because I don't know where this thing is going, Jo. As in, I think it could go anywhere. This could be it.
Joey: It won't be.
Pacey: How could you possibly know that? I mean, really. I mean, last week, you're on board, and now you're just psychic-ly tell me that this could never be something great. You just... you can't possibly know that...
Joey: But I do.
Pacey: Because we don't know that, Joey.
Pacey: I mean, I've known you too long and seen you push away too many good things to let you push me away right now. My whole life, Joey, my whole life you have been the most beautiful thing in my orbit. And my feelings for you were what proved to me... that I could be great. And those feelings were stronger and wiser, and more persistent, and more resilient...
Joey: Pacey...
Pacey: Than anything else about me.
Joey: Stop.
Pacey: Jo...
Joey: Pacey!
Pacey: When I was afraid of everything I was never afraid to love you. And I could love you again. I could, Joey...
Joey: Pacey...
Pacey: ... I'm tellin'...
Joey: No.
Pacey: ... you.
Joey: Pacey...
Pacey: This could be...
Joey: Stop! Eddie came back. I'm sorry. He came back last night. He came to the bar...
Pacey: Oh. Okay. [walks away from Joey]
Joey: Look, I'm... I'm sor... [door closes at her face]
It's not always about what you want, Dawson. You grow up and life isn't what you thought it was gonna be like when you were a kid. - Mrs. Leery
Grams: Jack can have nothing to do with this, nor can you, Jennifer. This is my own personal business and... I can take care of it myself.
Jen: Well, what about me? I mean, who's gonna to take care of me? I mean, you're my... my grandmother, you're the person that I love most in the world. And you're sick and I'm the one who's scared.
Jennifer, I am not ready to die yet. - Grams
If memory serves, I owe you a dance, Ms. Potter. - Pacey
Episode 19 LovelinesJoey: Impressive. I would have thought he was a little too, uh... clinical for your taste.
Audrey: Uh, it's kind of a rehab thing. You start to crave men based on who'd look cutest in a white lab coat.
Jen: I've to help Grams.
CJ: I can help Grams. Let me come.
Jen: I don't think that's a very good idea.
CJ: Why not?
Jen: Because, CJ, I'm breaking up with you. I'll see you tonight.
Audrey: Do you wanna make out?
Eddie: No.
Audrey: [laughs] Good. That was your test, buddy. Break her heart again and I'm gonna kill you. You got it?
Not a problem. It's cool. I mean, not cool, of course. Although I do like to pimp him out from time to time. - Jack
There's really nothing to be embarrassed about. You... you're very normal in your abnormality. - Jen
Jen: Can we turn this back to Joey? She's more screwed up than me.
Joey: Hey.
You know, maybe we could bring Jack up here for some humiliation. - Joey
Jen: Audrey, how would you like to see him up close and personal?
Audrey: [accepting the microphone from Jen] Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Jen: Yes. Take over the hosting duties.
Audrey: Oh. I thought you wanted me to sing. Oh, well, a gig's a gig. Thanks!
Okay, people, since our lovely hostess with the mostess Jen Lindley, picked now to have a mental breakdown, I'll be your Ricki Lake for the rest of the evening. Now, who's got the next question? You! Up top! Funny shaped head. What do you got? - Audrey
Good god, son! Are you still harpin' on there? Why don't you give the girl a break? Have you taken a look at her lately? You're lucky a chick that hot let's you get naked in the same building she's in. You gotta move on. - Adam
You're worse than Jen. Or maybe you two have been hanging out so long you've just become the same person. - David
She's sick. My grams is sick. And she has been keeping it from me. And it's the reason that she broke up with your Uncle Bill and... and I don't know what else she's been keeping from me. I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know anything about anything and so I ha... I had a freak-out, one freak-out. Is that... okay? - Jen
Dr. Drew: Oh, you're an actress?
Audrey: Well... I am. But... even more so in life, I guess, than in art. I have a bit of a flair for the dramatic.
Dr. Drew: You don't say.
Episode 20 Catch-22Audrey: After my long and protracted battle, a serious substance abuse problem, the heartless administration of this esteemed university is gonna kick me out!
Eddie: That seems pretty harsh.
Audrey: I know.
Joey: Audrey, this is just a letter from the dean saying if you sign up for summer school you can stay.
Audrey: The dean can bite me, Jo.
Joey: Where are you going?
Audrey: To negotiate.
Joey: I don't think this is negotiable.
Audrey: Everything is negotiable.
Sadia: And this other girl, well, she doesn't know what she's missing.
Pacey: Well, like I said, she's in a past life. And I'm quite happy with the life I'm leading. And as they say, I always have my work.
Sadia: And then there's me.
Pacey: And then there's you. Which is proof positive that there is, in fact, a God. And that Pacey J. Witter is his favorite son.
Okay, well, how about this? You just trust me and I promise that everything will be alright. Have I ever let you down in the past? Actually, you know what, don't answer that. - Pacey
Professor Hetson: Do you honestly think I'm ever gonna let you into one of my classes again?
Joey: No. Do you honestly think I'm ever gonna sign up for one of your classes again?
So there is a soul in there somewhere. And to think I just assumed you were another one of Rich Rinaldi's pet sharks. - Sadia
Look, but... my point is, is that I don't think that everybody meets the love of their life when they're a teenager. Or when they're 25 or... or even when they're 35. But... that doesn't mean that you stop looking and hoping, you know. 'Cause you will meet that person and when you do, I guess you know it. - Jen
Jen: You know, I'd... I'd share him with you if I could.
Jack: Thanks, but that's not necessary.
Maybe people can't change. Maybe we're doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again no matter how hard we try. - Eddie
Episode 21 Goodbye, Yellow Brick RoadYou're part of this now. So welcome to Hollywood. Where people have meaningless titles for not even showing up on set. - Dawson
Grams: Jennifer, just don't pull your speed-talking technique on me. You had no right to invite that woman into my house.
Jen: That wo... will you calm down and remember that we're all related?
Audrey: Now I know that this is new to you but behold the wrath of the Hollywood offspring. But Jack's a smart guy. Aren't you, Jack?
Jack: I'm smart enough to know if my integrity is being questioned by a couple of uptight wenches.
Acts of love do not require repayment. - Grams
Joey: It wasn't easy.
Dawson: What wasn't?
Joey: Not talking to you. Maybe it seemed like it was. And I guess it just... became routine, just another thing that I didn't do. Well, like... shooting heroine or driving drunk.
Dawson: Wow, I'm up there with the dangerous activities.
Joey: Or casual sex. Dawson, for so long, you were the only person in the whole world I wanted to be with. Then somehow you became my only one-night stand.
You grew up, Dawson. You grew up. - Joey
I think sometimes... you have to lose somebody completely before you can figure out what they really mean to you. - Dawson
Mrs. Lindley: (to Jack) So how did you and Jennifer meet?
Jack: Oh. No, I'm... I'm Jack, Mrs. Lindley.
Mrs. Lindley: Yes, I know that.
Jack: Yeah. Well, this is, um... [taps CJ] this is Jen's boyfriend here.
Mrs. Lindley: Oh, I'm sorry. You're not?
Jack: No. No. I'm... I'm the gay one.
Mrs. Lindley: Well, I've only just figured out now which one is your boyfriend.
CJ: Well, that's because Jack acts like a boyfriend.
Jack: Well, technically. Technically, I am her boyfriend.
Jen: Technically, you're not my boyfriend. You don't sleep with me.
CJ: Is that the only difference between us?
I don't know, Grams told me that she has breast cancer and it... and it was just like the whole world melted away. But I had... thousand questions in my head of how am I going to take care of her and how much time do we have. Bill, I think you're right. I mean, Grams, you can't try and be a rock here because it's... it's not making you any happier or any better, and it's not making your life any easier. So I... I just feel like the best thing for you to do right now is just to be around your family. - Jen
Pacey: Man, and we were just gettin' back to bein' friends, too. It's such a shame to ruin that.
Dawson: What are you talking about? What would ruin it?
Pacey: Money. Money would ruin it.
Dawson: Wha... What happened?
Pacey: It's gone. Your money's gone, my money's gone, some guy on Long Island's money is gone...
Dawson: What do you mean gone? That was all the money that I had.
Dawson: Ah, damn it, Pacey, this... you're always tryin' to do the right thing. You're always... so... eager to be the hero, you never quite see all the pieces of the puzzle.
Pacey: Dawson, you came to me with your dream because you thought I could help make something of it and somehow this comes back yet again to the fact that I screwed you over?
Dawson: You wanna know why we're not friends, Pace? It's not because of what happened with Joey, even though that turned my world upside down. It's because from that day forward, I realized that you hadn't been my friend for... maybe quite some time. 'Cause the second you made us competitors...
Pacey: That I made us competitors? No, no. Now... now you're re-writing history, Dawson.
Dawson: I remember when my best friend had a choice and chose to turn his back on me. If you'd ever stopped settin' us up against each other, you would've realized that you and I are not that far apart.
Pacey: Ah, spare me the speech. You are not gonna convince me that our world’s... are anything alike. You're just upset because I broke outta mine.
Dawson: Broke out of yours? How? By putting on a suit and slavin' away at something that doesn't even interest you? You made money. Congratulations. You impressed us all.
Pacey: How dare you? You know nothing about me, man. I was good at my job.
Dawson: Then why am I broke?
Pacey: Because that's life! I didn't make that choice! I have lost, literally, everything! What do you want from me, man? Does this make you happy? That you're back on top now? I mean, you always liked it better when you were in charge, so is this what you wanted? Does this make it all right?
Dawson: You don't wanna know me, Pace. You wrote me off a long time ago.
Pacey: Really? Really? When? Back when we were the best of friends? When we were brothers? Was I just outta the house every time you tried to call me over the last three years?
Joey: Things never change here, do they?
Pacey: No. Because these are the roles we were destined to play.
Joey: No, Pace, these are the roles we chose to play. Look at us, sitting out here on this dock in front of the same house we've been hunting for years. We're practically ghosts of our former selves. And honestly, I don't think anyone really remembers what they're mad about anymore.
Pacey: Mm, I wouldn't be so sure about that.
Joey: God, can't you ever tell the difference?
Pacey: I don't know. I don't know. Because you and I have had a very confusing run of things, especially lately.
Joey: Okay. You know, and no matter how much I love you or how long I stay with you, you're only gonna remember the moments when I leave.
Pacey: Well, you gotta give me that much because... those are pretty much the most painful moments in my life.
Joey: That's because you ask for them, Pacey. I'm sorry, you do. Your whole life, you spend so much time expecting the worst that you don't even notice the moments when people are loving you. And Pacey, people spend a lot of time loving you.
Pacey: Well, with all due respect, Jo, my best friend just walked away from me. But that's not even the worst of it. The worst thing is, he hasn't even really known me for the last three years. So please, clarify that for me. How does that qualify me as a man with a support network?
Joey: Well, you have a person sitting right here, don't you? But of course, that's not enough. Not until you let it.
Pacey: In what world do I have you?
Joey: No. Look, just because I don't fit into that... place you want me to doesn't mean there's not a place for me, Pacey.
Jack: Jen, you just... you gotta realize that, you know, you and Grams are pretty much all the family that I've got.
Jen: I know. Do you remember that time that I went over to your house after Grams kicked me out?
Jack: Yeah, how could I forget? That's the day you became my hag.
Jen: No, we're family. It doesn't change.
Jack: Well, I promise that I will come and see the two of you every chance that I get.
Grams: Oh, that won't be necessary.
Jack: Okay.
Grams: Well, I mean, you don't honestly believe Jennifer and I are gonna leave you to your own questionable devices, do you?
Jack: What are you talking about?
Jen: What?
Grams: Well, my daughter simply rattling around that big house she got through the divorce and I think we need a man around the house. I mean, you'll have to share a room with Jennifer...
Jack: Okay, Grams, come on. I... I... I just can't, you know, pick up and... and leave this place. Come on, guys, I have stuff... going on, you know? I mean, besides, what am I gonna do, mooch off the two of you for the rest of our lives?
Grams: Certainly not. You'll be earning your keep.
Jen: I mean, what's really keeping you here, Jack?
Grams: Yes, what's really keeping you here, Jack? Last I heard, Bean Town had no great hold on you.
Jen: You can be an apathetic student anywhere. And Boston Bay sucks.
Jack: Yeah, Boston Bay does suck. That's... that's why I said, you know, we should have... we should have gone to New... New York.
Jen: There you go. You've been saying it all along.
Grams: Eh. Well?
Jen: Yeah, come on. This... this place doesn't appreciate your absolutely fabulous gayness.
Grams: What do you say?
Jack: What do I say? What... what do I say? Well, what do you say? You say, um... you say how I can I turn down living with three generations of crazies on the Upper West Side? That’s what I say.
Episode 22 Joey Potter And Capeside RedemptionJoey: Dawson, you have the chance to do something great here and I can't let you pass that up. I've been authorized to use force if necessary.
Dawson: Happen to bring your $18,000 with you?
Joey: No, I forgot that
Joey: Dawson leery, you are going to let all these details get in the way? Would they stop Spielberg?
Dawson: I don't know. I don't recall anything in his bio about his best friend squandering all of his money.
Joey: Pacey messed up. No one's denying that. But it wasn't intentional, Dawson.
Dawson: It never is, Jo. Never is. But it happens every single time and I don't need it anymore.
Joey: Look I refuse to believe it has to end this way.
Dawson: Well, believe it, Jo, 'cause I pretty much never want to see the guy as long as I live.
Joey: You know what? I know you don't mean that.
Dawson: Yeah, I do.
Audrey: What about me? What can I do? Anything. Anything at all to distract me from the sheer hellish boredom of summer school.
Joey: Page 12.
Audrey: Miss Jacobs?
Joey: That's right.
Audrey: The old broad?
Joey: The one and the same.
Audrey: What about her?
Joey: Well, I'm yanking you out of early retirement to bring her life to the screen.
Audrey: Wait a second, let me get this straight. You want me to play the slutty teacher that... that robbed Pacey of his delicate flower?
Joey: Do you have a problem with that?
Joey: Look, I need you. Dawson needs you.
Pacey: Okay, here's the most crucial thing that you're going to have to get through that pretty little head of yours, things will never be the same between Dawson and me. Or any of us for that matter. And you're just going to have to accept that.
Joey: I don’t. And I never will.
Pacey: Okay. That's fine. Be cheery and delightful, and whatever else it is you want to be. I really don't care.
Jen: I'll go out with you. It's what you want, right? But just coffee, okay? No funny business.
Salesperson: Yeah. Thanks for that. But I'm not really interested.
Jen: What are you talking about? I'm a film geek's dream.
Salesperson: Not this film geek. (to Jack) How you doin'?
Ooh. I get to play Miss Jacobs. You know, the woman who seduces a young boy on the verge of manhood. I do have some notes, however. - Audrey
Yeah, Dawson, you have no idea what I went through to get this stuff. - Jack
Joey: But? No. There are no buts, Dawson. All you have to do is shoot the movie, just like you were going to do a week ago. And if you're telling me that you don't believe in friendship anymore, I am going to throw you out that window.
Dawson: No, it's not that. I mean, I have to work. I have a job.
Mrs. Leery: Oh, no, you don’t. You're fired.
Dawson: What?
Mrs. Leery: It's my restaurant, Dawson. I'm firing you. Case closed.
I'm really flattered by your faith in my culinary abilities but I can't do it today. I got other things to do. But I left all the fixings out for you and you really do owe it to yourself as a modern bachelor to develop some sort of rudimentary cooking skills. And chicks dig that kind of thing. [walks out the door then pokes his head back in]] And you know, those other guys, too. They like it. - Pacey
Joey: Can I have five minutes alone with this guy?
Patrick: You don't know how long I dreamed of hearing you say that.
Joey: And if it doesn't work?
Dawson: Uh, bribery.
Joey: Dawson, we don't have any money.
Dawson: No, we do have an abundance of hot girls, which are as good as currency in many countries.
Hey, without chaos, there'd be no happy accidents. - Dawson
Alright, listen up people, chop, chop! This man here has a movie to make. And we are gonna make it for him or die trying. - Todd
Joey: I need you to chop this up and serve it to Todd. You are his new personal assistant.
Audrey: I've been wrapped for the day. Can't you find someone else to do it? Someone who's not number one on the call sheet?
Joey: No. Come on. Get up. There are divas out there more impossible than you who require our immediate attention.
Christy: You don't remember me, do you?
Pacey: No, but I really wish I did.
Christy: Well, you sure changed your a lot since this morning.
Pacey: The receptionist from the dentist's office, of course. I'm sorry.
Christy: No, no. You really don't remember me. Oh, come on, from high school? I mean, it's kind of a blow to my ego. You used to follow me around everywhere. Oh, how pathetic but... now here we are, five years later and it's like you don't even know who I am.
Jen: What is this feeling? It just seems like everything's getting smaller and smaller. It's all still there but I just can't touch it.
Jack: I think it's called goodbye.
Joey: Wasn't that..?
Pacey: Christy Livingstone, yes, it was.
Joey: Talking to you?
Pacey: Talkin' to me. In fact, flirting with me. She gave me her phone number. Hah. You know what this means, right? You know, Christy, she's like, uh...
Joey: Metaphor. I know. She represents all of the high school girls you thought you'd never be able to have because you were such a loser.
Pacey: Exactly.
Joey: And the fact that all the normal girls who haven't been surgically enhanced--girls like me and Jen, and Audrey, and Andie--the fact that we've spent every second of the past five years telling you that you weren't a loser, that means nothing to you?
Pacey: I... I'm sorry, you lost me there in the middle. Maybe I should explain the whole metaphor thing again.
Joey: Why am I even talking to you?
Pacey: Hey.
Dawson: Hey. What are you doin' here?
Pacey: Uh, the same thing you are, I'd suppose.
Dawson: Uh, actually, I came here to m...
Pacey: Meet with Joey? Yeah, so did I.
Dawson: I get it. Joey Potter, amateur peace broker.
Pacey: You said some pretty crappy things the other day.
Dawson: Yeah. So did you.
Pacey: Yes, I did. And I meant them, 100 percent.
Dawson: I know, so did I, Pace. And that's the thing, I don't know how we get past that.
Pacey: Well, maybe we don’t. Maybe that's the point that we just don't get past it. We realize that... we can't go back to the way things used to be and there's nothing we can do about that. 'Cause the guys that we are now are worlds apart from the guys that we were back then. The only tie that really binds us together is the fact that we still love the same woman.
Dawson: It always comes back to that, doesn't it?
Pacey: Yes, it does. Yes, it does. And you know what, I don't really regret a single second that I spent with her. And I'm guessing you don't either. In fact, I really consider us pretty lucky, that a... a woman like that would give either one of us the time of day.
Dawson: You know, it makes sense.
Pacey: What does?
Dawson: Why it never worked out for either one of us. All we wanted was her. So much so that we destroyed our friendship. And in the end, all she ever wanted was for us to be friends again.
Pacey: Okay, I'm gonna ask you this once and then I promise you I'll never ask it again. Is it possible?
Dawson: For us to be friends again? [long pause] Anything's possible.
Pacey: Fair enough.
